I study new things everyday to motivate myself, to have hope, that there is purpose, and surprises, and things to be ready for, and remedies, and prescriptions, you know, the light at the end of the tunnel stuff. So I have gathered so much I will organize it here now, from my Ipod, and share some fun or maybe even some odd facts with you.
1/ First one to fall asleep gets toothpaste over their lips.
2/ Replace the centre of the oreo, with toothpaste.
3/ Place full cups of water everywhere.'
4/ An air horn attached to a chair, or a door.
5/ Chewbacka roar contest.
6/ Spray on nail polish
7/ Singing Christmas Carols on the bus in the middle of July.
8/ Pinching your cheek saying, you little petunia
9/ No clocks in Los Vegas
10/ A severed foot, is an ultimate stocking stuffer.
11/ When you walk by someone with their lawn sprinkler on, and you place the sprinkler by the front door.
12/ What is a sharks favourite game? Swallow the leader!!
13/ Stand in the corner if you are cold, they are 90 degrees F
14/ What color is a chamilion in the mirror?
15/ Best thing since sliced bread.
16/ Wipe that look off your face!
17/ You are going to eat your fingers off!
18/ I am feeling better then a meter maid meeting her quota.
19/ I appreciate the finer things in life.
20/ Don't apologize for greatness. Greatness equals greatness.
21/ Taste the rainbow.
22/ I got 99 problems hard work ain't one.
23/ If it ain't broken, don't fix it.'
24/ 9 times out of 10 it is not a set- kevin heart and dywanna Johnson.
25/ If you can't laugh, the terrorists win.
26/ Funny shadows on youtube.
27/ Do your time, don't let your time do you.
28/ Down/ Not out.
29/ I'll put the odds against it all.
30/ Put a seashell to my ear, and say out loud, I heard the ocean, call you a dork.
31/ What happened to that 5 hundred dollars I gave you 10 years ago.
32/ Wake me up when dinosaurs exist again!
33/ Mind over matter.
34/ You smelt it, you dealt it.
35/ The lottery is a feeling.
36/ All for one/ One for all
37/ The game is to be sold, and not to be told it was predictable.
38/ Don't be limited by peoples limited imaginations.
39/ My cat is left handed.
40/ My next fish is female.
41/ No more further details.
42/ What hair style do zombies get at the salon? Dread Locks!
43/ Where do monsters park their car? In the grrrrr- age
44/ What did the gunman say when he ran out of bullets? Shoot!!
45/ Why do lines outreign circles in races? Because they get straight to the point!!
46/ Who is found between June, and December? JASON!! {( July, August, September, October, November)}
47/ Under dogs on the swing.
48/ Double Bubble ran out of comics.
49/ Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Two- tired!!!
50/ What do you call a fish out of water? A cat fish!!
51/ Where does bad light go? To prism!
52/ There was a sale on particles this week! Neutrons were free of charge!!
53/ Your silly
54/ Wayne's Worlds was filmed in 34 days.
55/ Hershey's chocolate is used to create fake blood in movies.
56/Otters bite females otter nose off during humping season..
57/ Balance knife on tongue.
58/ A jeep turned into a desk.
59/ It is normal to say people are weird.
60/ Side walk solar egg baking contest- 15-20 min
61/ If I told you I would have to kill you.
62/ Possibility model, or role model? Well written, or well spent?
63/ I put your hand on my hip, then I tip, you tip, we tip,
64/ I appreciate my high expectations.
65/Netflix is my valentine..
66/ Do not give Bisen psychoactive drugs
67/ Who told you, you had a choice?
68/ Fee fi fo fum
69/ A pillow tie, inflates into a tie like a pillow.
70/ A plastic pen lid, shaped like a utensil.
71/ Rotating ice cream holder
72/ If you can nfit threw a dog door you can escape jail.
73/Try and go a year without '' made in china'' items.
74/ The cup that spills if too full of wine.
75/ You have to live for some people to go away.
76/ Heads or Tails for an extra muffin at the muffin store called double or muffin.
77/ Die, doing a youtube video.
78/ Martha Stewart dated Anthony Hopkins.
79/ Why was the broom late? It over swept!!!
80/ World Star.
++++++++++
81- Stressed is just ' desserts' spelt backwards
82- When cows laugh does milk come out of their noses?
83- what do you get when you put a radio in the fridge? cool music
84- This is my step ladder- never knew my real ladder..
85- When you eat all the donuts and your eyes glaze over.
86- I should make a mushroom omelette- a mushroom omelette of champigions.
87- How does a vegan begin grace before meals?----- Lettuce pray.
88- What do you call fake pototoes??------- Imitators..
89- Why do gay people keep smiling?!?! Because they can't keep a straight face!!
90- What do you call a denim expert?! A Jeanius!!
91- I burned 2000 calories yesterday- left the brownies in the oven too long..
92- What do you call 52 pieces of bread?!--- A deck of carbs
93- My wife told me dont get upset if someone calls you fat!! You are much bigger then that!!
94- How do you know if a sniper likes you? They miss you.
95- The only thing flat earthers fear- is sphere itself.
96- I tell dad jokes but I am not a dad- i am a faux pas!
97- My co-workers are like christmas lights!! Half of them dont work, and the other half aren't very bright!
98- My wife is a body builder- yip- shes pregnant!
99- What is 50 cents name in Zimbabwe???!! 200 Dollars!!|
100- I was going to start a bourbon company- but i heard its a whiskey business!!
101- My grandfather is 85 and still doesn't need glasses- he drinks straight from the bottle!!
102- What do you call a nervouse javelin thrower? Shakepsear!
103- What do you call an eagle that can play piano?!!! Talonted!!
104- Have you heard about the film constipation? Probably not because it isn't out yet!!!
105- What did the judge say to the dentist?~!? Do you swear to pull the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?!
106- I had a rough day then somebody went and ripped the front and back pages from my dictionary. It juss goes from bad- to worse!!
107- The bomb didn't want to go off....so it refused...
108- When does a farmer dance? When he drops a beet!!
109- What is it called when you put a cow in an elevator?!!?! Raising the steaks!!
110- What happens when you own too many dogs? A rover dose!!
111- Whats it called when someone eats a frozen apple?!!?! Hardcore!!
112- How do you become a vaccuum cleaner? You clean your vacuum.
113- What do you call a semi cool vegetable? Rad-ish!!
114- Know who knows how to make a good entrance?? a carpenter!!
115- Whats it called when a chicken sits on top of the barn??? an eggroll!!!
116- 7 days without puns....makes 1 weak...
117- Why did the snowman name is dog frost?! Cuz frost bites...
118- Whats a soldier favorite date?! March 4th..
119- What do you call a snowman with a 6 pack? An abdominal snowman!
120- What does it take to be zombie?!?!? Deadication!
121- Which way did the programmer go?!?! They went data way!!!
122- What did the cell say when it stubbed its toe? Ouch!! Mitosis!!
123- What do you call a t-rex that sells guns?!?! A small arms dealer?!?!
124- If money doesnt grow on trees? Why are different set of banks called branches?!?!
125- Why cant you bend a coin?!? Because change is hard..
126- why did the woman buy bird seed??!?!? She wanted to grow birds?!?!
127- Whats a frogs favorite shoes? Open toad sandals?!!?!?
128- What do golfers do on there day off???? Putter Around?!?!?!
129- what do you call an apology via morse code??? Remorse code!!
130- What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long??? A pi-thon!!
131- I saw a baguette in a cage...the keep told me it was bread in capitivity.
132- Bread is like the sun...it rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.
133- What do you call 2 monkeys that share an amazon account???? Prime mates!!!
134- What washes up on tiny beaches???? Microwaves!!
135- What its calle dwhen Mozart thinks of music?? Making a mental note!!
136- Why dont u see the elephants hiding in the trees??? cuz they r good at it!!
137- Espresso may not solve all your problems..yet it is worth a shot!
138- How many applesa grow on trees??? All of them!!
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