Over and Lost- Still Proud

 

Chapter 1- Inspected

 Taking one for the team. My Dad, he is M.I.A. More then just awol, at this point. One melts one. Take a snap shot, in the fast lane.

I am ciphered as his 'favorite', not everyone elses.. I learned to try, with one vital choice, be the family widow, or the village idiot or both. Choice was mine to be independent or a team player. He was very popular. Absence made the heart grow fonder.' Elf on the shelf.

 Daddy Duke is everything I wanted him to be, and less.' Less equaling more.' And often it is okay.' He's celebrated ''eree'' day in the high jinx.'

 So Dad sent more Angels.' I was also told, he would send them.' Nouveau rich; luck. Renown stubborn. Laughing bitter/ sweet.
20 years later... I am ok... 

I am pious, falling asleep half- way threw mid- air and remembers it within the blink of an eye. Day dreaming half awake. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. What just happened?!- Still happens.

 Dad was beat at his own game. His allegory looks so gory.' Yet he is no Felon.' He wasn't that malicious.' Except you know, down- but- not- out.' Virtually rock bottom anyone should want to die, I just hope his intelligence lives on, and his sarcasm...'

I have too sleep at night, I hope he is dead. It had been tooo long. So I do the best I can, knowing whats cool, and whats not. I have spite. Just took longer to let my blindspot go.'

  I promote my desires in my own words in a blog. So I don't always have to answer the question why I am was so enlightened. The time is now! 

   Some save the best for last; their backbone. Disassociation is something you learn, or are taught, yes I think there is a difference. A representation of A Girl Matador on Wall Street. You can only get what you go after...if your lucky..

 I am from the skids- to the bluffs, drafted from the nutrition, and power. Stealthy Gunnership. Sheer like no one else.' Old Elephant in the room, looking for something new. Smelling out a natural liking...and positive choices.

Would be A Saint if it weren't for misconstrued dirty looks. I' am convincing you I' am inoffensive. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. No one bites. Just markers, and paint.' Never standing still.' Moving target. Honestly, sometimes life hands out cold hard truths. I would trust your gut. Gossipers are cowards.....

 Blood/ water/ shyte--- same shyte different pile. We should not be numskulls. Not saying test your pain. Test your happiness....

Camp Crew, learned the malicious, be/ end- up so petty.' Pain with no cause......no time, no healing, no graciousness, no chance, no high standard...

My weakness is not under estimating you, I actually do the exact opposite, I know someone did under estimate you.' {(yeah)}

After 20 years, I can't be waiting for closure....I actually find it hard to cry, who cries over 20 years?! Yet I still do, sometimes... Yet at a point of no gain... I keep my head high, chin up, and finish what I start...

  I hopes the world never ''ends.'' Everyone needs a link to this place.' Take a selfie today....blushing red. Pink Full- Moon coming up this month...Fire ball, spit fire.'

Two feet and a heart beat... Fall asleep looking at the clock, when we should tell each other how proud we are of each other.' Some people like to be abused.' More so, moved.' Move me. My things, my mind, my places. That is my pride.'

 Some people just like to see you try. They don't care about how challenging or if you fail.

Swag: goes from a joker behind an audience. To a trihawk in a fiasco with a clause; feels like pacing on the phone...gone with the wind, and up front and personal. Why delete work when you can work on it? 

 We knew rowdiness was saying hello- and you were already in trouble. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.' They call me the guzzler; with a rosary.' I am the chaser, with my pride.... I still question my past....and laugh in the face of danger... 

Dad is/ was:

1/ I don't really know what know what you were doing, you were just- so very- close; to ''there.'' On that crip' Like the crib broke. And you knew you were going to fix it.' Strapped, you knew you to make relationships work, you had to make yourself more vulnerable.

2/ Boo Yagga, go in the street, and pretend your scratching records swag. Riveting wall flowers.' Insatiable craft.' Get off that wall, and moon walk, no words....just beats from the underground...

3/ Tie balloons too a couple peoples hands. Ribbon not sticks. Distracted.' Snipped, and letting loose. Letters from afar...scroll, and wonder....who, what, where, when and why?!?

4/ Take extra time, and take a little more. Times two squared. Yikes! Whats that commotion?!!?!? Shift happens...

5/  Swerving a way of life. Building skills: First-safety. Determination second- Please try again. Leverage ''Amen!''

6/  Notorious- I couldn't sleep, phone calls. Hearty ''har har'' Fuck Pie in ones face equals pie in yours. ''5 minutes of your day; will make my day.'' Amicably contingent.'

7/ ''Look over there!''------- ''Not!!'' Jeepers!

8/ If you water the lawn AND- the side walk.... you get to water your front door....ruthless!!

9/   Teddy Bears come once, come twice, so you get off facebook.

10/    Your either sweating it out, or running out of karma; and that was really typical. How could you sit on strength? Lifting a pool table by himself.

  My Dad went Missing in 2003.....It took 10 years for us to report him missing as I went a little crazy.....the host with the most, I can't even go back in time, I over think it though, all the time........cold hard truth, I've actually moved on, and fuck the detectives I met 3 years ago.... who just seemed to want to meet us...



Chapter 2- Essential- Memory- Experience

       Three cups of water before bed and in the morning. If I don't drink enough water I'm technically drunk.

Remembering what it is like to find a hidden entrance into heaven. Stars above the sun. 

I am so predictable, I'm charming.. I'd rather say hello, then bye before you even got started.'
 
So sharp Chris Brown was compared to Kurt Browning. But at a distance it's your word against his. Jumping scales from ''poof'' too ''done.'' 

Strain like Flavor Flav, time my records. Pep talking, myself. So metal gear solid, snake said in low key.."Even if a pawn becomes a queen, it is still just a playing piece," and I am A Turtle...

 Every asshole takes away one dream.

Small muse like a long piss. Take the plunge- politically correct. Flush like your absent, and I just got new shoes....'

 Ja Rule ''believing in virtues means you have to believe in evil.''

If I was pretending, it'd be over...no one is helpful unless you can help yourself..

        Turn over my exam; for the fount of dry tears bluntly: over the horizon. There is like 10 gazellion things, places, and people, in the way. I flinch. Like English going Chines- sometimes...

I don't know- if Dad likes seafood but because I'm born in July. I will explain how his friends feel in a crabby way:

    1/6 First comes first. Like you knew what it was like to be in the tank with someone else. Left behind, hoping for your return.

   2/6  Is``seeing impailed``, fluffing out getting over protective. Can you ever witness- ''enough smoking...? Treating their body like a castle. Hoping for a new age. It is not denial- they are resourcing prevention.....

3/6   Starting from scratch. You talk to the hand. Created with ''whats a matter with you ''crabby hands.'' The more the merrier. Just always got their doors locked. Hoping for a New World.......they can write about. Alone so the family stays together.

4/6 Taken from the beach- Crabs, in a tank; do push- ups. They stay ready. Feeling like they are always- restarting over. But at a start none the less. Your info is as good as mine. Sussing it out.

  5/6   People say crabs are moody.. Well I've had mood swings before. They say they scream as they pinch you. Something about how they wave their hands {(pincers)}. Flinching- to cry their best cry..

6/6   Hermits are hoping to be charged interest. Greeting you before running away- yonder. Scarred to be mistreated. Over doing everything...

      In the end, its meant to be. We should of had a last dance. But the world wasn't ready for us. All like'' your going to die this Monday.'' We woulda' had a good Sunday, I don't mean to put you on the spot. But Your A Legend.

       I'm all like we would of made it to the end, but this had: too end- life- or- death. I'm Poppy Immersed. Days are numbered. How do you sleep at night? Make it rain.....

       I love you more- overtime. The night I chose to forgive. I chose too hang tight. You needed a functioning moment.....




Chapter 3- Pure Bandanna

        Dad you may follow me from near, or far: because you are My Father. Secret or not. Exotic or afraid. Cliche, last second, or without resistance. Spun out, or right away.

      Stitching tissue together is proof we aren't always anonymous. We consulted the scrolls of the Count of Mounte Crisco.

       I used too think I was on final destination. But that's just a form of paranoia. We're all going to die.

       If you got promoted I'd have your back. If you had to deflect a whipping, I'll mark your last- words and last supper. You know your rolling over to your side knowing ''God will give me justice.''

            But believing in God doesn't make you a licensed- hero. My Dad said lots people come back to religion- when they are older. And when the Sabbath rests Ja Rule will meet God with a ghetto soul............................from pain is love, to system of a down....forever staying with me...

        Score can never escape philosophy. We are connected like The Da Vinci Code.

         As many doors close will be as many that will open. Never apologize for loving someone, or wanting to leave, just do it. I'm no metal detector. Sensitivity is inevitable, it is more then a face- off. Game on.

Chapter 4-  Old Pedestal

          The light switch doesn't go off when your sleeping. Awake and Dreaming- flip your high beams on you- won't be blinking. Are you sure that's the; right- time?

          I kept tones of files. So I know I always have the ultimate ride- like sci fi. Like you went to pick a card from someone's hand- and they were already looking at your cards.

        A cultural fellow. Its like always being on deck. Like your enemies read your dictionary. When the girl in the series of unfortunate events ties her hair up too invent something. She survives.

        Yet I'm hoping, I'm not fucking over my memory. That military hair cut. I'm the middle child. Some shit takes you- either way. You don't know sometimes until you've been proven wrong. When you see what people wrote about you, and hid for years.

           But we were all given 9 months of solitude When you know everything; but- the obituary. And confusion is biased. 

        Cheers- I say cheers by emptying the bottle on the ground of barbed wire. Wishing for your safety. Inventing a new door. People on a pedestal, can still not even look up to you.

      Dad was his own book keeper. People would die to be in his position. His computer was the only thing missing- when he was struck to myth.

           Like Marge Simpson. '''mmMMghmn'' or ''alcjbzCLjbxzlcb''' like Homer Simpson. I'm jumbled.

         Firm terminal, I was spiffy in a jiffy. Seeing Roast Artists with Speedy Rabbi's. Wearing shiny wool. Making me fight over blankets. Not sure of who goes threw the worm hole first...Trusting for the first time again..wish it was harder to love too....

           I was sizing you up. Yes sire. When the grim reaper gave me a peace sign, and wiped the smile off his own face. Gracious. Did I turn around. Yes. I did. Yes Sargent.

          Ugh- Running away to my diary, a lot people do not understand. Wake up in the morning. Hope against hope of a groundhog. Fall asleep- one eye at a time.

           I didn't duck The Ferris Wheel in full circle- the first time. But I can probably wait too meet: ''the court room.''

           Gritty like, ''how you doing?'' Sophisticated like; ''if you could only see me now!! You should know who this fuck you goes too..

           It is like the revolution is going backwards. When new age grudges: progress. Knowing its not all easy, and decline- saying I wish too resurrect...finding answers when on the brink of giving up.. 

       There is now as many versions of things, as there are people.' Maybe even, as many versions of bibles too...what a clash.. I am praying, I dunno who too though.



Chapter 5-  One For All- All For One

           I often look and smile, premeditating to get out of the house. I just have to be ready to face a Tornado.

           As if- I could change things now. It'd be the same. I`d say bitch and it'd feel amazing- yeah. I still swear sometimes. I`ll tell you we may have wanted approval. And we also may have been initiated...

       We will gain a quote by Kurt Cobain: "For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, none is possible."

          I love it when you dance.
         Sometime its up and away.
         Sometimes its spring when sprung.
         Sometimes its on your grave.

         But if you don't defend yourself others wont defend you.

        Every time I see Maria Tea Biscuits, I sing. I may be too close to the screen. I'd eat dust, like girls eat; hair- dye. Hoping for super- natural- powers.

         With a number one fan- under the table: I hated seeing your hands clenched for a full day.

        I'm trying to not let satisfaction down. If you sing the Mic Jagger You Can't Get No S********** then please put your left hand- in. Have mercy.

          Believing in Victorian moments like Jack and the Beanstock. I don't want any unfinished business either. Thinking of the audience, multiple choice. Keep on charging. Men in Black- never say never. Welcome to the Wild West.

       Hook up with me we'll go 40 feet deep like it was Woodstock. We'll be the best Cave Minor's out there. We'll stay ready for flooding. Never say never, I might shit my pants.'

         Resulting in spins; considered as much as mounting: a scissor- lift- 39- times when I say I hope I don't have any bad habits.. None that will be ignored...

          Ignore art once- it will ignore you for three days.

           I may be totally seeing things in black and blue. But I'm a good bitch. XO 
         

          When impromptu- means; Young and The Restless. Looks like going eye for an eye, defeats being special. I am so unique.'
     
         I point fingers with:

1/ A character, you cannot shrug.
2/ If you snooze you loose.
3/ If you don't work you don't eat. 

4/Probably growing old saying I know there was a time I didn't care I'll go to hell for this. And that is the purpose I seek.

5/ Help anytime you can. Don't take it for granted.'
  
         You can forget something in a second, remember like that. Instead of looks saying ''because'' a question mark I'm sending a reminder to myself saying, something dumb with a- semi colon. Stupendous.'

 My dues is: eager.

          I know My Dad will forgive me for what I am doing. Because this is the best thing for me. And I know you want me to do what I want to do.

          Who doesn't know what I think about being the Matador too Bulls on their graveyard shift? As if some- bitch is being stoned, with the bitch that loves biology. You can remove the hair hiding my face, when you see I'm a colorful Human Being. Hopefully my spite will survive.'

          You can watch me surrender, too crawling across the finish- line.

        Like Dad's not a domesticated sheep, hes got his arms crossed, and hes pointing the finger at himself, lifting the bowl to me, I got to live not just survive. Have a brain. The Hospital is always right down the street.

         I' am like a horoscope people say I do what they tell me too. I' am going to go miles to get what I need. 

      

         Loving a home that's not scared to be used. I knew what it was like to be the greatest gift in someone's life! Partying with diversity. May an unknown anniversary rest in peace. Nameste. Every day was New Years. Could not forget what I was leaving out....

I love you even though your gone.
Dreams come true too.....